Here Is Baby Moore!: 21 Days of Catch Up!

Wow. 21 days. A lot has happened in that short amount of time! I kept telling myself I *had* to get this blog updated...too many things were passing by and I wasn't documenting them! I have even had a couple people ask if I was actually continuing my blog...which makes me feel good that people actually read this and aren't just annoyed by it. That's funny...that I have such a concern for what other people think about me talking about my baby all the time. Who cares, right? :) If you don't want to read my inner most thoughts and / or see every photo I take of my baby every day...then don't read it, right?! :) Seems easy enough.

There are 3 main reasons why I've been so behind on my blog. Well, ok, 4 - if you count that I actually gave birth to a baby 21 days ago. :) Here are the other 3 reasons in no particular order:

I have only mastered typing with one hand (and usually one finger). So anything you see posted by me on Facebook, any email you receive from me...yup, all done with my right hand only. Because I'm usually holding baby Maddie in my other hand. Derrick is holding Maddie tonight - so I can get this blog caught up! This is the same reason I have not sent you a thank you note if you were kind enough to send your regards and best wishes since she was born! :) This is also the same reason I have a lot of a) short responses on Facebook/email and b) typos! :)
I cry at the drop of a hat. Yup, worse than when I was pregnant. It was really bad last week - I mean, I would cry for the dumbest things! I would just be sitting here quietly, holding baby Maddie, enjoying a nice television program (hehe)...Derrick would look over at me and I would start sobbing - "I don't want to go back to work!" or "I love her soooo much!". :) Things that had nothing to do with anything that was being discussed at that particular time! I've been better this week...I think...I guess the week isn't over yet. I did have a horrible migraine headache the past two days - so that in itself was enough to make you want to cry! I would also have panic attacks about random things...the biggest one being that someone would try to come and "help" and takeover my house/my baby/my life. If anyone learns anything from this blog - I am very protective/possessive (whatever you want to call it) and I will not take well to you wanting to take my baby from me for any reason. :) Unless you are my mom or Derrick. That's about it. :) And yes, I will cry about it! Anyway...this is reason #2 because I was afraid I would not be able to get thru this blog without crying. So far, so good. So let's continue. :)
I'm so freakin' tired! Seriously! They weren't kidding when they said that babies do not sleep more than 3-4 hours at a time! She's actually been doing better...but it's still the same cycle all day - she poops (I haven't thrown up yet - yeah!), she sleeps (hopefully until her next feeding time - otherwise she screams) and she eats. Then the cycle begins again! 24/7. We have been venturing out a little bit this week - but not for very long because I'm not sure where we will be in the "cycle" and God forbid we be at the "I'm done sleeping and I'm hungry RIGHT NOW" phase of it! :) I do try to sleep when she sleeps (as I was told to do by many friends who know)...so that leads me back to #1 - typing with one hand. :) Yeah, she is probably WAY spoiled - and yes, I do hold her quite often...bite me. :) My mom said you can't spoil a newborn - so there.

So. The last post I did was the night she was born...July 14th...and it was a rambling mess of my thoughts while doped up on painkillers while my baby was in the NICU. :) That weekend did not get any better - Maddie ended up in NICU until Sunday night (she was born on Thursday) - and Derrick and I would go down at *each and every* feeding so that I could feed her and we could visit with her. It was pure hell. I mean seriously - we are OLD!   We would have my nurse wake us up at 1:30am and 4:30am each night - plus the other feedings every 3 hours. But there was no way I was leaving her down there without us visiting whenever we could. We did miss one feeding I think - it was a 4:30am feeding on like that Friday night...we just *had* to get more than 3 hours of sleep or we weren't going to make it. We tried to nap then after the 10:30am feeding each day...and it actually started to work where we could function on such little amount of sleep.

I did have a little bit of a concern about the information that was being shared with us by the NICU doctors...as I mentioned in my rambling post, they really made it seem like her low blood sugar was "no big deal" and that she would bounce right back. But by Friday afternoon, they still wouldn't let her leave NICU. So we were finally like..."um, WHAT exactly are we trying to accomplish so that she CAN leave?!". They never really gave us the game plan for her discharge from NICU. We finally got out of the nurse taking care of her that her blood sugar levels had to stay over 50 for at least 24 hours. When she was born her levels were at 38. So every time we came down for a feeding, they would check her levels...and we would hold our breathe that the # was above 50. They were steadily increasing - until Saturday...it dipped down again (I think like 48?). And we had to start the 24 hours over. :( We were devastated (and tired and grumpy and stressed). :( That afternoon they had some lactation specialists come down to "help" me breastfeed. Well. That just set me over the edge. Not only was there ONE of them - there were like 3....really? It takes 3 of you to help me feed my baby?!   They hooked some contraption up to my shoulder that held the formula and a little tube that would run into the nipple shield. Seriously!? Who in their right mind has time to set all of that up when you have a crying, hungry baby? It didn't work so well (obviously Maddie thought it was insane as well) - and they decided that this would be a good"test" for when she had a bad feeding at home...and to see what her blood sugar levels would do. Now. Keep in mind - the goal is to keep her levels UP for 24 hours...and they wanted to play around with a potential "bad" feeding just to see what would happen?! I was so confused and angry and tired. And Derrick was upstairs in my hospital room - because my grandma had come to visit for this feeding and they would only allow two people in NICU. I asked the LS to double check with the NICU nurse that this was what they wanted to do...and she said it was. So I went back up to my room - and sobbed. And sobbed some more. I had just had enough - it wasn't fair that I walked by all of these other hospital rooms where mom's had their new babies there with them...while mine was a floor down hooked up to all of these wires and monitors! And we had yet to talk to a doctor to find out why Maddie had low blood sugar and what we were doing to fix it - all we knew was 24 hours, blood sugar over 50 and she could come with us.

My (favorite) nurse Mateka came in about then to check my vitals. And when she asked "how are you doing?" I lost it. :( Mateka was such an awesome nurse...my favorite by far of all of them I had those 4 days - she had kind of the same sense of humor that I have...very dry. :) I was glad to see her again on Sunday when I was discharged. I tried to explain to Mateka (through tears) that Maddie did not have a very good feeding and I was afraid that her blood sugar levels would be down again...which meant we would have to start the 24 hours over again. Mateka promised she would go talk to our NICU nurse and see if she could get a blanket or something that Maddie had been sleeping on (so it smelled like her) and take some pictures for me to have in our room...which was all so kind of her to do - but I felt bad that I was "telling" on the NICU nurses. :) So here comes Laurie from NICU - to bring me the blanket and pictures and explain *why* they were ok with the 'bad' feeding, etc, etc. It was nice of her to come up - but I felt like I was being talked to like a child...I'm sure she meant well...but it didn't do much for me (except make me feel awkward around her when I was down in NICU the rest of the time).

I also had a nurse practitioner in NICU come by while I was feeding Maddie on Saturday and ask "are you planning to have any other children?". It was such an awkward question...I mean, I didn't even really know WHO she was, you know? I kind of glanced at Derrick and laughed and said "well, I don't really know...I'm 41 now....so who knows..." at which point she gave me a lecture about having gestational diabetes and making sure I notify my doctor next time that Maddie had these issues. WHAT?!   I was really kind of taken off guard!   I had already felt a lot of guilt for what Maddie was going through...I mean, it had to be MY fault that I had gestional diabetes (if I even did), right?! It was all of those cokes I drank, right?! So to have her basically blame me for Maddie's blood sugar levels - and to suggest I would "hide" it if I got pregnant again?! Seriously?! Who are you people?! :)

Those were the only two bad experiences I had at St. Francis - all of the nurses on the 3rd floor were awesome...and to be honest, sometimes I miss being there and having someone wait on my every whim and constantly asking if I'm ok! :) The food was *awesome* too - oh my goodness! Grilled cheese, chicken and cheese quesadilla - and my newest obsession, Minute Maid Raspberry Lemonade. Yum! Yum! It was kind of like a mini-vacation...except I had a huge incision in my stomach and a bag of painkillers that I had to carry around the whole time!

We finally got to bring her with us on Sunday night...and the hospital had given us a free room at their "hotel" at the hospital (since I had been discharged earlier that afternoon). It was quite the night...she screamed a *lot*. And we did not sleep *at all*. :) Derrick even considered packing everything up and driving home at like 3am - just so we could be home in our own environment with the screaming newborn! :)  Luckily it's only gotten better since then. We've been experimenting with different feeding venues/schedules...but right now we (I) are pumping around 10pm and 2am...and Derrick feeds her with a bottle at those feedings. I breastfeed the rest of the time. Breastfeeding is INSANE. Let me tell you - it's an all-consuming activity.  Seriously.

So I guess I'll add some pictures...I have a few of the 300+ that we took to share here.

Me!
I look pretty happy considering what was going on on
the other side of that sheet! :)

Daddy and Maddie!

Maddie coming into the world!

Here she is!

Here's our baby in NICU...all hooked up to wires and monitors. :(
Just broke my heart.

This was the first time I got to see her in NICU...at 3:30am. :(
They wouldn't let me come down until then - so it had been like
12 hours since I had seen her. Which meant I also missed quite
a few of her feedings...which meant they gave her a bottle. :(